Lessons From Mom

My mother taught me
LOGIC…
“If you fall off that swing and break your neck,
you can’t go to the store with me.”

My mother taught me about
ANTICIPATION…
“Just wait until your father gets home.”

My mother taught me
TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE…
“If you’re going to kill each other, do it outside.
I just finished cleaning.”

My mother taught me about
WEATHER…
“This room of yours looks as if a tornado went through it.”

My mother taught me
RELIGION….
“You better pray that will come out of the carpet.”

My mother taught me about
HYPOCRISY…
“If I told you once, I’ve told you a million times.
Don’t exaggerate!”

My mother taught me
MEDICAL SCIENCE…
“If you don’t stop crossing your eyes,
they’re going to freeze that way.”

My mother taught me about my
ROOTS…
“Shut that door behind you.
Do you think you were born in a barn?”

My mother taught me
TO THINK AHEAD…
“If you don’t pass your spelling test,
you’ll never get a good job!”

My mother taught me
IRONY…
“Keep crying, and I’ll give you something to cry about.”

My mother taught me
ESP…
“Put your sweater on!
Don’t you think that I know when you’re cold?”

My mother taught me
FORESIGHT…
“Make sure you wear clean underwear,
in case you’re in an accident.”

My mother taught me
TO MEET A CHALLENGE…
“What were you thinking?
“Answer me when I talk to you.”
and “Don’t talk back to me!”

My mother taught me about
STAMINA…
“You’ll sit there until all that spinach is gone.”

My mother taught me
HUMOR…
“When that lawn mower cuts off your toes,
don’t come running to me.”

My mother taught me about
CONTORTIONISM…
“Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!”

My mother taught me how to
BECOME AN ADULT…
“If you don’t eat your vegetables,
you’ll never grow up.

My mother taught me about the science of
OSMOSIS…
“Shut your mouth and eat your supper.”

My mother taught me
ABOUT SEX…
“How do you think you got here?”

My mother taught me
WISDOM…
“When you get to be my age, you’ll understand.”

My mother taught me about
TIME TRAVEL…
“If you don’t straighten up,
I’m going to knock you into the middle of next week!”

My mother taught me about
GENETICS…
“You are just like your father!”

And my favorite:
my mother taught me about
JUSTICE…
“One day you’ll have kids,
and I hope they turn out just like you!”

And she thought no one was listening!