Church Members Are Like

A lot of members are like wheelbarrows — not good unless pushed.

Some are like canoes — need to be paddled.

Some are like kites — if a string isn’t kept on them, they fly away.

Some are like kittens — more contented when petted.

Some are like balloons — full of wind and ready to blow up.

Some are like footballs — you can’t tell which way they’ll bounce next.

Some are like trailers — they have to be pulled.

Some are like neon lights — they keep going on and off.

Many, thank goodness, are like the North Star — there when you need them, dependable and ever loyal.”

See: Phil 1:27

Question: How do you make God laugh?
Answer: Tell Him your plans!!!!!!!
Question: Why can’t missionaries get to sleep at night?
Answer: They count lost sheep.
Question: What is the difference between a Church Organist/Choir Director and a steel I Beam.
Answer: The steel I beam is more flexible.
Directions to make holy water: Measure one pot of water, put over high heat, boil the hell out of it.
Why do only 30% of church board members (deacons, consistory members, parish counsel members, etc) go to heaven? Because if any more got in . . . it would be hell!